Some Things Are Scarier Than Satan

Here's one:

For those of you who have been thinking, "Well, sure, Satanism sounds like fun and I like Huckabee just fine, but I just couldn't spend eternity in hell with Ann Coulter. One lifetime on the same planet is more than enough." Don't worry. Satan assured me she will be in solitary. Even Satan can't take that shrill psycho-whore (I apologize to any shrill psycho-whores who may, understandably, be offended by the comparison, like, say, Michelle Malkin).

Recently, the Abominable Ann has been badmouthing the Huckahoney. Apparently, she believes he's giving religious intolerance a bad name. In her latest screed, she asserts that Huckabee is the darling of godless left (and not just us Satanists):

As far as I can tell, it's mostly secular liberals swooning over Huckabee. Liberals adore Huckabee because he fits their image of what an evangelical should be: stupid and easily led.

Well, yeah, or loud-mouthed and so deeply dishonest that it brings a blush to the already red face of the Lord of Lies.

Ann's grinding her vaginal fangs because Huckabee suggested he didn't want to overturn mainstream science entirely:

Asked on CNN's "Larry King Live" Monday night about his beliefs on evolution, Huckabee rushed to assure King that he has no interest in altering textbooks that foist this fraud on innocent schoolchildren.

She then asks the burning question:

What other discredited mystery religions -- as mathematician David Berlinski calls Darwinism -- does Huckabee want to teach children? Sorcery? Phrenology? Alchemy?

The science of Intelligent Design, perhaps?

What's really got her studded knickers in a twist, though, is that ol' Mike just doesn't hate homosexuality enough.

Huckabee insults gays by pointlessly citing the Bible's rather pointed remarks about sodomy --

The bastard--wait, what?

And yet, Huckabee has said he agrees with the Supreme Court's lunatic opinion that sodomy is a constitutional right.

Oh, I see.

Justice Antonin Scalia wrote a spirited dissent in Lawrence, joined by Justices William Rehnquist and Clarence Thomas, raising the somewhat embarrassing point that homosexual sodomy is not technically mentioned in the Constitution. Otherwise, our Founding Fathers would have been our "Founding Life Partners."

Awww, isn't that cute? She made a funny. Now, I'm no lawyer like Ann (though I hear she'll have company in hell), but I had an inkling that Missionary Position "is not technically mentioned in the Constitution." If a state passed a law against it, however, well, we might not have Founding Fathers at all.

Thinking about Ann is making even Satan a bit bilious. Try to think of happier thoughts, like, I don't know, exploding baby bunnies or something.