SANTA CRUCIFIED!!

You know it's going to be a good day for devil-worship when you wake up, look at the news and see that Santa has been crucified.

It's supposed to be some sort of protest against the commercialization of Christmas (the guy's Xmas cards say, "Santa died for your MasterCard") but it's the (evil) spirit of the thing that just tickles me so much.

So, I decided to do a little experiment: I Googled "santa crucified." First of all, when I began typing in Firefox's toolbar's Google search, I was presented with the option "santa crucified" by the time I got to "santa cr." My computer knows me so well. Anyway, I came up with 537 hits. When I removed the quotation marks, I got over 400,000 hits. So I thought I would share the Satanic joy of Christmas with the rest of you.

Here's a guy who crucified Santa, again using the excuse of a high-minded protest against commercialism:

Artist Jimmy Wright (how many great artists are named "Jimmy" or "Billy"?) says:

I don't know how it came into my mind but I thought I'm going to take Santa Claus and I'm going to crucify him.

I think we all know how it came into his mind, don't we? And his neighbors see it too:

I think it's an evil way. Kids see things like that and children — they see that on the front page — I think that's terrible.

Well put, anonymous, semi-coherent woman.

Finally, I'd like to leave you with an image that can't fail to give all good Satanists the warm-fuzzies during this holiday season:

Merry Christmas!

From Satan's Little Helper:



I'm always excited when I discover Satan has sent me an email, especially a humorous video (his email is satan666@satancorp.com. Don't send him spam, though. SERIOUSLY, not if you like singe-free sexual organs). I had planned to get to this diabolic gag reel sooner, but Satan punished me for not replying instantaneously that I was ROFLMAO by smiting me with a piercing migraine (and I really mean "piercing"). Then he punished me for delaying my post by sending a migraine that is both piercing and burning. So I figured I better get on with it, but you'll forgive me if my typing becomes erratic and I suddenly sodjfalenga;pdsjz;sldngfaoiwprgbvoawefmn. Xos;asfnwernga;joasdj!

Sorry, that wasn't the migraine; I was typing in tongues (damned evangelicals think they invented everything).

I know you're probably asking, "Hey, Lucian, why is Satan so pleased by such a touching, devout and earnest Christmas message? Doesn't he play for the other team?" Well, here's the thing, whenever Satan sniffs out any attempt to step on the Constitution, limit civil rights, or establish a theocracy (aka, Diabolocracy) he feels a tingle in his naughty bits. And ALL Satan's bits are naughty. I just got a tingle in my naughty bits thinking about him tingling.

Also, Satan finds it hilarious that Bill Donohue of the Catholic League was offended by The Huckster's religiosity. Unintentional irony is Satan's favorite form of humor (well, that and Benny Hill slapstick). He was so amused by the falling out of two such hypocritical zealots that he accidentally set the Eisenhower Building on fire with his laughter (well, I say accidentally...).

Huckabunny's ad. was discussed this morning on The View. Satan loves to watch The View while he's drinking his morning cup of brimstone. Several of the ladies seemed to think that the magical floating cross was an accident. Clearly, it is a bookcase behind him. That's as may be, but one assumes that someone from the campaign actually looked at the ad. before it aired. Surely those people could see what everyone else can see. Anyway, the cross is pretty incidental. The piece is overtly Christian. Whoopi Goldberg saw nothing wrong with it. She said (and I paraphrase): "He said 'Merry Christmas.' Well, it's Christmas. He mentioned Christ's birth; well it's his birthday." Yes, Whoopi, and it's also a political ad.!

Well, I'll just leave you with these words of wickedness: asmndfvo;dsjvlaengfomnv;zsdfjzng;aovjbzshjnpvmz;dsofjgpaedrmgpdjgsengojgvsenrdfgjono;aw
sdno;sdmnvdsjfvonv;iodfnvg;sofjnvgo;ijg!!!!